Feel Good Guru

Feel Good Book Review by Lara Kleinschroth

So, whose life is what they ordered!? For any of you out there, following the exact path you laid out for yourselves as kids or teens or young adults, well–kudos! For the rest of us–and may I go out on a limb and suggest that would be the majority of us–life continually throws us curve balls, fast balls, knuckle balls. And how often do we take those pitches and hit home runs, how often do we strike out?

Change of course is what makes life fun, interesting, challenging. All the ups and downs, trials and tribulations, highs and lows. How well we navigate these changes and transitions helps determine the quality of our lives. And having some great friends with you along the way just makes it all the sweeter.

“This is Not the Life I Ordered ~ 50 ways to keep your head above water when life keeps dragging you down” was written by four California women, Deborah Collins Stephens, Jackie Speier, Jan Yanehiro, and Michaelene Cristini Risley, who came together in varying stages of transition, calling themselves ‘women in transition’, or WIT for short, because, in their words, “…we would truly need our collective wit to navigate through these tricky times.”

And these four women have certainly had their share of tricky times–from being shot at and left for dead on a tarmac in South America, to winning and losing state senate seats, building and losing financial empires, being widowed, divorced, and on and on. They share their stories, then go on to share their survival techniques–things they learned to pull themselves back up and not just survive and carry on, but to thrive and succeed on whole new levels.

The basis for all the techniques they share is to do what they did and form a small group with a few other women. For over a decade before writing this book, these women came together once a month for what they term their ‘kitchen table conversations’. They created for themselves a safe place where they could pour their hearts out, uncensored, with no judgement. The point of this time together is not to gossip and shoot the shit, but to share. And to support.

The group should have a bit more structure than a casual get-together–and the book provides techniques for how to go about that–but doesn’t need to be as rigorous as say an AA meeting. Each session can be based around a theme–such as courage, gratitude, overcoming fear, finances, etc.–or can focus on one woman at a time, depending on individual need. But they adamantly stress it is NOT to be a pity party. Listen to each other’s troubles, then move right on into the realm of tangibles–what steps can be put in place to get to work overcoming a particular problem, what we as friends and supporters can do to help, then move forward. It’s all about taking practical steps to navigate the tricky bits so we can move forward and upward. And together is always better.

This is a valuable book for any woman–no need to necessarily be in the depths of trauma at the moment. The techniques outlined here will arm you for when you DO–and you will–get hit by something out of left field. Along with their own personal stories and earned wisdom, the authors share a few other women’s stories of triumph. And the book is peppered with quotes–words of wisdom–from many different women, some more famous than others, such as:

“Making a damn fool of yourself is absolutely essential. So, whatever you want to do, just do it. Don’t be stiffled by the fear of a good mistake.” –Gloria Steinem (the original Nike woman I think, judging by this quote!)

“I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes–and six months later you have to start all over again.” –Joan Rivers (of course!)

“And then the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” –Anais Nin

“If you think you’re too small to have an impact, try going to bed with a mosquito.” –Anita Roddick, founder of The Body Shop

“The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.” –Alice Walker

More and more research is surfacing lately, extolling the virtues of close friendships and bonds among women–how these relationships make us healthier, happier, live longer, more fulfilled lives. Well…duh! Doesn’t exactly take a research scientist (probably a man…) to figure that one out, does it? This book makes you want to hug your close friends and pull them even closer, and start taking your w(h)ine sessions a little more seriously…